Andre & Snuka vs Piper & Schultz (WWF - 3/25/84)

2nd. Pretty great Piper performance too.

too long didn't read version: amazing spectacle, amazing Andre performance, amazing Piper performance.


too long DID read version:

This is about as good as it gets. For what I want to watch in wrestling at this stage of the game, it's pretty much perfect on a personal level. Roddy Piper acting like a shithead trying to start a riot? Give me all of it. Andre the Giant making faces and selling everything from amusement to near death over the course of one match? I'll take every bit of it. Piper v Andre is everything I want from a pairing. Both are incredible at using body language and facial expressions and have charisma out the wazoo so this thing was nuclear without them even having to do anything. Andre might actually be the best facial expression wrestler ever. Piper is just amazing at milking the heat early, half taking his shirt off, pausing when people start whistling, eventually removing it and flexing his pecs before Snuka shows the Garden what a real HGH-infused pectoral flex looks like. Piper then removes the kilt and twirls it like a matador's cape and Monsoon calls it a dress, the stupid prick.

Piper was complete hubris here and wanted no part of Andre, even if he did want everyone to know he was up for a fight. He was just biding his time, is all. Andre v Schultz is great because Schultz is a crackpot and will stooge to the moon. Andre grabs him in a standing bow and arrow and headbutts him in the back, and Gorilla is actually spot on with his anatomy here as he correctly notes the cervical and thoracic spine. I loved the bit where Andre drops down as Schultz is running the ropes, then stands up bent over so Schultz runs into Andre's truck-like posterior. I've watched a lot of WWF Andre recently and that's a stock spot of his that never failed to pop the place. Schultz backs Andre into the corner and tries to sucker him, but Andre just grins like he's being tickled and people are going wild. Andre uses two fingers to wiggle Schultz's nose like he's a four-year-old and Schultz sells it like he's been hit with a frying pan. Piper comes in mean muggin' like he wants a fight and then immediately tags Schultz back in like "it's okay mate, I know you still have some unfinished business with the big guy." Andre just chuckles like "get a load of this guy." When Piper comes in again and actually makes physical contact he throws a punch flurry to Andre's body, and the pop for Piper getting clubbed in the face is wonderful. The way they built anticipation for that single shot was masterful.

I was thinking this was going to be one of the most fun WWF matches ever, a real crowd-pleaser full of nonsense, lots of shtick and some fun bumps, maybe a couple nice interactions between the big stars. Then Piper pulls a knuckle duster from his trunks and things take a turn for the grizzly. He cracks Andre with a punch, Andre goes wild with the blade and Piper and Schultz kick the living shit out of him for a few minutes. That tonal shift from light-hearted romp to murder scene was almost jarring, but in the best way possible just for how far Andre leaned into it. This legitimately might be the worst beating I've ever seen him take. Vince clearly knew they had something special with Piper to give him this much against Andre the bastard Giant, and obviously Piper was amazing at revelling in the heat it was generating. Andre is just spectacular selling this, writhing around on the mat while Piper and Schultz punch and kick him in the head, using the ropes to try and drag himself to his feet just to get put back down again. He'd worked the match as a lovable big galoot so the sight of him bleeding everywhere was sort of disturbing. Imagine a pair of headcases had found the Iron Giant and not nine-year-old Hogarth Hughes and they beat it to death with hammers. Piper biting Andre in the cut and coming up covered in Andre's blood was a phenomenal visual. Of course Gorilla was having a fucking aneurysm at the ref' for not doing anything other than putting Snuka back out. You kind of wish Snuka showed a little more urgency but Gorilla's raving on commentary actually made up for it. This was about as irate as Monsoon has ever been and he wanted that referee out on his ass. They even did a doctor stoppage and I loved how Gorilla and Patterson knew there was no way anybody was getting Andre the Giant out the ring on a stretcher. Piper was again amazing during the stoppage, shadowboxing and prancing around, fiddling with his tights just to remind everyone that he's carrying those knucks.

Jimmy Snuka honestly kind of sucks, but after Andre got carted out it was up to Snuka to carry the load for his team. You knew Andre was going to come roaring back out at some point so there was anticipation amongst the crowd, but Snuka going buck wild after the ref' agreed to restart the match had them bouncing. It didn't hurt that Piper and Schultz were basically perfect in their role and made everything Snuka did look great. You also knew they'd eventually make the numbers advantage count, and when they did Monsoon barely stopped short of proclaiming the ref' unfit for purpose. When a bandaged and bloody Andre comes rampaging back out to the ring the place erupted, just like you knew it would. I guess the finish was a bit of a let-down relative to the rest of the match, but I like that they never had Andre get his full revenge on Piper and it was Schultz who ate that particular bullet. What an amazing spectacle of a thing.